You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
