nut hugger
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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