Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
