I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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