I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
