the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
