i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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