I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
