Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
