My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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