I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
