i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
