It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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