I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
