$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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