He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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