I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
pray to the hookup gods
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
