and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
