She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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