Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
