WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's like iHOP with fire
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
