wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
