Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
