I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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