just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love having hate sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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