EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
