What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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