Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
