Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
