this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
