his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
