Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
