I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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