return my video game
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
