he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
