I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
