I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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