i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
