You're my little dorito
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
