Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
