Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
