were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
