16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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