You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
