Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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