even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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