she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am one with the molecules
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
