You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
