Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
soo... how was my night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
