woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
