I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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