so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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